Sunday, March 25, 2007

Its so hard to say good-bye....

After much thought and consideration, I've decided to put Confessions of a Grad School Slave to rest. Its been great keeping this blog, and a lot has happened in 3 years.

Now that I'm in a new place in my life wit a new mindset, I'm now blogging in a new place. Please visit my new blog, Searching for Satisfaction, at http://blackgirlunlost.blogspot.com

Thanks to everyone who has read and left great comments, I really appreciate it. I hope you all enjoy reading all about my new drama on my new blog.

Happy trails everyone...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Maybe its time for a change?

I've been contemplating ending this blog and getting another. Why? Because in the three years that I've been writing in this blog, my life has changed drastically. I'm not the stressed out grad student trying to balance school with fun in ATL. Now I'm a grownup in Wackville with a real job and host of other problems. Looking back at the beginning of this blog, a lot has changed, and I think that I'm ready to start fresh, with a new perspective, new thoughts, and new topics.

Any thoughts?
Its official: I am no longer the party girl I once was; I have officially matured and slowed down. This change wasn't by choice, as seen by previous blog postings, but now I enjoy the slower pace and lower frequency of the party lifestyle I once led.

So how did I come to such a conclusion? Well, an old friend, KR, called last week and said he wanted to come kick it with me in Orlando. KR and I met when I was 20 and in full party girl mode. We've had a lot of fun over the years, doing lots of partying and having good times. He hung out last week, and I realized that he doesn't know the new mature, grownup with a real job Jubi, he knows the old party all the time and kick it with the homies Jubi. I hadn't even noticed the change myself, until last week and I simply wasn't in the mood (and didn't have the energy) to kick it like I used to.

I complain about moving to Orlando (or the capital of Wackville as I like to call it) but it has helped me to let go of my party days. Granted, I was forced into retirement, but as I look back, I've definitely had my fair share of partying, and then some. I have fond memories of the fun times with the homies, and I'm looking forward to more in the future. But instead of it being an every weekend occurance, its now more like a once and quarter or twice a year kinda thing. The rest of the time, I just want to chill, relax and enjoy people's company, without being out and wild and crazy.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Saturday I went to my first Omega probate in about 5 years. Very interesting show. First, it didn't happen on campus, but instead at the location of the afterparty. Of course, it started an hour after it was supposed to. And it had been raining off and on that day, and it started raining while we were waiting for the show. But the most surprising aspect of the show was the length. It was probably only 10 - 15 minutes, and basically comprised of the solo singing Omega songs and then hopping once he was unveiled.

I wasn't planning on sticking around for the afterparty, but an Omega friend threw an armband on me, so I went instead for a few minutes with another soror. Inside was very ineventful, except for the girls who were giving out free lapdances. Basically, with all they were doing, they should have been on somebody's stage in a G-string working for $1 bills. Maybe I'm getting old, but seeing young women behave like that for a room full of men (who are known for being more "hands on" than the average fraternity man) was just disheartening. I guess I was expecting better, but I didn't see it.

Spent Sunday with P....Nice day. And I spent my Sunday morning consoling a friend. Its starting to get old though, cause I keep saying the same stuff, and I think its going in one ear and out the other. I don't enjoy being a broken record.

Tax refund should be here on Friday, and I can't wait...That money is going to bills.


Thursday, March 01, 2007

Things I miss about undergrad/grad school...

-Parties...especially Alpha parties. They were always THE party to attend at the U. You simply couldn't miss an Alpha party, because it was always a guaranteed good time. You got your absolute cuteness and spent the nice dancing and flirting.

-Life in the dorms...especially freshman year. I spent an insane amount of time kicking it in E's room since her roommate moved out. We'd watch "The Temptations" and "The Five Heartbeats" a million times. And then there was the times we'd kick it with the other homies at Territorial, Sanford, and Comstock...

-Meals in the cafeteria...not having to cook or clean up the kitchen? That was the greatest! Variety, and on the weekends there were the best made to order omelettes. And when in doubt, it was all about the waffle stations.

-That laid-back schedule....Even though 8AM classes were a drag, for the most part, your time is your own when you're in college. Do you REALLY have to go to class? Nope, unless its a lab or something where attendance is mandatory. Unless you had a job, you could do whatever the hell you wanted with your time. Chill in the Student Center all day, sleep all day, or sit around and do nothing...

-Being able to stay up all night cause you don't have to be anywhere early in the morning...Self explanatory.

-Road trips....Man, the memories...Hopping in the car and chilling with your folks, just being stupid and having fun. Being somewhere else and letting loose.

-Hitting the club with your friends on the weekend...This especially got to be more fun when we all hit 21....We'd head downtown and just have a ball

-Chillin at APEXES...I worked there all 4 years of college along with my friends, and it was a hangout spot for everyone. Just chill in between classes or come do homework, or eat, or even sleep underneath the conference table...So much of my college career happened there...Great conversations, last minute homework and projects, discussions of everyone's love life, everything...If the walls in there could talk, they'd tell all my business.....

-Soul Food Fridays....BSU and African American Learning Resource Center used to hook it up...The food from Lucille's is always the best.

-Living in the Melrose junior year...that was an experience and the Melrose was definitely an interesting place to live....Good and bad times in that place...

-Thursday night trivia with the first years....grad school is rough on your nerves, but hitting the bar for food, drinks and trivia with my classmates was always a great stress reliever....We spent way too much of our stipends on liquor....

-Tech's exhibition step show...always a fun time to see who's gonna come prepared and who's gonna suck...

-Chillin with the sorors in Atlanta...Always a good time...they made me feel like family from the moment I arrived.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

February's over already?

Where oh where did the month go? I swear just yesterday was the beginning of January, and now here we are in March (practically)...The days keep on flying by.

Let's start with good news for a change (instead of me just venting about my problems). This time of year is known as "merit time" in my company, because its when all the raises have been finalized and folks get to see how much their checks will go up. For the record, raises used to go into effect in December, but they had a problem with folks taking the extra money for Christmas presents and then bouncing after the first of the year. So now we get our raises in March....But I digress. Last week everyone's manager came around with the envelopes with the numbers in them. I wasn't expecting a raise at all, since I only started 6 months ago. Well, I got an envelope, and it had a number on it...That's right folks, Jubi got a 3.4% raise, after only 6 months on the job. I was very happy, mostly cause I need the money!

I've also heard through the gossip grapevine that my immediate supervisor (who in my opinion does absolutely nothing) is going to retire at the end of the year. I really want his job because it will be a stepping stone to the position I really want, which is manager of all the labs. At the same time, the gossip grapevine also says that they want my cubemate to take the positon. And I actually wouldn't be upset if she got it. She's been here almost 4 years, with no promotions and only 1 raise. She works really hard and she deserves it.

I had a mini-vacation this past weekend; I flew up to Charlotte and hung out with my friend Q. I had a really good time and it was a lot of fun. I hadn't been to Charlotte since sophmore year of high school, and it was interesting to see how much the city has changed. Did some shopping, ate some good food, and visited the Levine Museum of the New South (its all about the history of Charlotte from the Civil War to the present.) They also had an pictorial exhibit following families in the area who practice Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. It was interesting to see how many similarities there are between the groups, and how even folks within the same religion practice it differently. If you're in Charlotte anytime soon, you should check it out.

Sunday I got stuck in Charlotte's airport all day and it took me all day to get home. I have never been so happy to see my apartment. And please folks, keep your bad ass screaming children off airplanes. At least drug them up with some Benadryl or something...

Oh, and I finally joined a new gym. Planet Fitness...I like it, its cheap, and it has all the stuff that I need right now..Perfect. And I've been getting up at 5 AM and heading the gym before work...I'm so proud of myself.

Oh, and its (semi) official...I got dissed. And dissed hard too. I wonder why?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I think I got dissed....

Someone that I used to talk to a lot has suddenly stopped talking to me...No phone calls or im's or anything. Very curious...I was hurt for about half a second, literally, and then I just chalked it up to the game and called it a day. That's some growth for ya, just a few months ago I would have cried my eyes out over it. Now, not so much....

I was good friend today. I let someone that I'm interested in vent to me about their ex, who they are still in love with. And I actually gave good, not selfish advice. Even though I want this person for myself, I think they need some time to get themselves together and deal with the breakup with no distractions, which includes no Jubi, since I'm a distraction (but a good distraction).

I'm going to Charlotte this weekend to kick it with a homie...I hope I have a good time this weekend.

Oh, and today was tour day for the students we mentor at work. I gave a bunch of presentations in my lab and had a great time with the kids. And apparently I'm cool cause they said I was their favorite...

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I'm over my breakdown. I got my shit together....well, sort of. I'm together enough to know two things: that I need the help of a profesional and that I need to get that help without a lot of distractions. So I'm going to therapy, and I'm on a man fast, more specifically, a sex fast. That's otherwise known as celibacy. I'm not sure that I even want to date, mostly cause I'm afraid it will be a slippery slope...You know, you meet a guy, he's really nice and sweet, and the next thing you know you're having hot sex...Yeah, I don't want to go down that slope, at all. So that's the plan folks, therapy and no sex....Hell, it might even be no dates...Or maybe not, cause it took me this long to get folks to finally ask me out in Orlando...So no sex and lots of touchy-feely therapy to help me gt my life together. That's a plan, right?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Self-reflection time....

Tonight I got a real bad case of the sad and lonelies. And then I burst into tears, and I cried for a long time...I started thinking about how much I truly hate being seen as just a sexual object, and how I think that I'm "undateable" and "unmarriable" because I'm too "sexy"....And those thoughts led me to others, like about my past.

I've always thought of myself as someone who didn't live with regrets...My motto was "every experience is a learning experience", and I really believed that for a long time. But now...my mind is full of things that I've done that I'm not proud of, and I don't like that part of myself. I know where a lot of it stems from, from low self-esteem and the trauma of being raped, but I fear that I'll never get myself out of this stupid cycle. I don't want to be a sex object, I want to be seen for the other great aspects of me...I want someone to say "that's the kind of chick I can love, or settle down with"...and I'm afraid that with my current image, I'll never get that....

Or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and being a loser...who knows...

Is rehab the cure for everything?

The past few months have been filled with all kinds of great celebrity scandals...the kind of things that keep the Enquirer in print and People magazine somewhat respectable to read. All these scandals have had 1 thing in common: the offender gets sent off to rehab. You're probably thinking, maybe its just coincidence, but let's think about this....Anyone who's doing something stupid can just say "I'm going to rehab!" and can just put the crap behind them. Case in point: Miss USA...she starts partying all the time, while she's underage, and her reason is what? "I was sad and lonely and was turning to alcohol and drugs." Yeah, cause you looked so sad in those horrible pictures of you wasted and high. Then there's the mayor of San Francisco, who had an affair with his campaign manager's wife, and it wasn't even recent! Answer: go to rehab, cause everyone knows that rehab can help you get over the urge to screw your employee's wife. Then of course, there's my personal favorite: sending someone to rehab for calling someone a fag...I hope that's not a law or something, cause if it is, it looks like I'm off to rehab. That's gotta be the dumbest thing ever, rehab cause of a word. Does rehab teach you to not say the word? Is your rehab effective if you just think it but don't say it?

I'm predicting rehab is gonna be the answer in the case of the crazy ass NASA astronaut...Clearly she is not in control of all her faculties....Who decides to kidnap the girlfriend of their boyfriend (who you happen to be cheating on your husband with)? That's not a decision that sane people make...And while we're on the subject of cheating, why does the cheater always expect their side person to be monogamous? Its like they can fathom that their cheat buddy would actually cheat on them....

Me? Oh, I'm cool...Just working for THE MAN and trying to be cute...Got some dates lined up, good times. And I think I'm going to Atlanta at the end of March....