Tonight I got a real bad case of the sad and lonelies. And then I burst into tears, and I cried for a long time...I started thinking about how much I truly hate being seen as just a sexual object, and how I think that I'm "undateable" and "unmarriable" because I'm too "sexy"....And those thoughts led me to others, like about my past.
I've always thought of myself as someone who didn't live with regrets...My motto was "every experience is a learning experience", and I really believed that for a long time. But now...my mind is full of things that I've done that I'm not proud of, and I don't like that part of myself. I know where a lot of it stems from, from low self-esteem and the trauma of being raped, but I fear that I'll never get myself out of this stupid cycle. I don't want to be a sex object, I want to be seen for the other great aspects of me...I want someone to say "that's the kind of chick I can love, or settle down with"...and I'm afraid that with my current image, I'll never get that....
Or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and being a loser...who knows...
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5 comments:
I would say look at the bright side. Lots of women would kill to be as educated, independent and attractive (ive met u so i know what im talking about)as you are. I know you are in a bit of a funk right now, but it will be gone before you know it, andonce it subsides i hope you do realize those positives.
Thanks so much..
And now I want to know who you are...
I don't think the term "too sexy" is the correct term in this instance. Men marry "sexy" women everyday. Sexy does not equate to putting yourself into possitions where you do things that you aren't proud of. And I don't think that "current image" you have from other is one of "too sexy" it may be another term.
All in all of this to say: I'm glad you've done some self-reflection and that you will be taking the necessary steps to overcome and love yourself more. Good luck to you.
Im just a blast from the past...just kidding. probably dont remember me too well but we hung out in atlanta before you headed out to Florida. I periodically pop by to see what you've been up to
You're absolutely beautiful and personally I think you ARE s/o and marriage material. I haven't spent as much time getting to know you as I wish I could, but from what I know you're beautiful inside and out, intelligent, funny, very well-educated, personable and responsible. I'd almost kill to have a couple of those qualities. We all get to a point where the bad/past blinds us from seeing the good/future. But the good always shines through. And as long as I'm a part of your life sweetie, I'll always be here to remind you of that.
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